Welcome, Brave Writers.
O Writers! Do you Suffer from Writer's-Block? The Fiction-Writing Directorate can Help!
Our Exhortations will Inspire you; our Exercises will Strengthen you; and the Ancient Art of Shiva Nata will Enlighten you.
Read! Write! Flourish!
Or Else.
Subsiste statim sermonem et scribe.
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By Ethelie, on February 27th, 2010%
O my brave little Butterflies!
A whole Month has passed since my first Post, since my tiny Boat set Sail on the Uncharted Waters of the Vast Sea of the Intarwebs. It has been a Delightful voyage thus far, my stay in the Infirmary notwithstanding.
It has also been a Productive time, though we were not Able to Forge as many splending Postings as we’d hoped. February is a Ghastly month, is it not? Perhaps March will be more Felicitous.
How have you done, my little Badgers? What have you Written this Week? What have you Written this Month? Take Stock! And then Write . . . → Read More: February Reckoning
By Ethelie, on February 26th, 2010%
O! What a lovely lot of Introspection you have all Undertaken! As a Reward for your Bravery in Observing your Fears and Trepidations, I offer to you the Opportunity to Play.
Simply compose a Brief Scene that combines the following Elements.
A modest glass of Absinthe
An overturned Pew
Three Mandarin Oranges
A Rail-Road Engine
A Wooden Hair-Brush, painted Black
The skeleton of a Fish
An old Despair
The sound of Bells
A Scarf, left Behind
Enjoy, my little Blackbirds! Play! Stretch your Writing Muscles freely! Frolic! Gambol, even, if you . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #17: Hodge-Podge
By Ethelie, on February 25th, 2010%
Yes, my little Petunias, I know I asked you to Exercise several Weeks ago. But don’t you think it is Time to get your Heart Pumping again?
This time, as you Walk, or Swim, or Dance, or whatever Bizarre form of Movement you Choose, ponder your Lists. As your Vital Fluids course through your Body, consider your Excuses. Consider your Fears. Record any Additional fears or Excuses that you Observe. Uncover festering Fears that lurk even deeper.
Consider, consider.
The Directorate has been Fortunate enough to have many Years of expert Advice on Fears and their Eradication; we have hosted a Brilliant pantheon of . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #16: Exercise
By Ethelie, on February 24th, 2010%
O Brave Agents! Today we continue our Journey to the Center of our Selves. Today we investigate our Fears.
I trust that you Catalogued your Excuses yesterday, for I know you are Diligent Agents, and Faithfully perform the exercies.
Take your Note-Book, and write out One-Hundred Fears about Writing.
Yes, my little Apple Blossoms, 100.
You will find the first few Easy. You will find the next few Repetitive. Never mind; Keep your Pen moving. Write them down, no matter how Foolish or Ridiculous or Unfounded they may Seem.
For your Deepest Fears are secretive little Beasts; they are not the ones that Present themselves when . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #15: 100 Fears
By Ethelie, on February 22nd, 2010%
O, my little Garbanzo Beans! This week, we will turn our Exercises to the Internal. We shall Investigate our very Souls, and thus armed with Precious Knowledge, we shall Gird our Loins and Write bravely Onward.
You may do these Exercises in your Note-Book, and make your Report here to discuss your Findings. Gustav and I are busy with our own Investigations of the Insidious Evil that has Infected the Directorate, but never Fear that we do not have you in our Hearts.
Your Exercise:
Why are you not Writing? What are your Excuses? Simply Observe: we will attempt to Remedy the situation . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #15: Know your Excuses
By Ethelie, on February 22nd, 2010%
O my little Cherry Blossoms! The Directorate’s Surgeons have Infused me with a Serum that has caused my Bones to Knit together, and my horrid Convalescence reaches its end. Rejoice!
My period of Restful Recovery has given me much-needed Time, with which I have endeavored to bring myself Current on the Directorate’s Mail. Much of it, you will not be Surprised to learn, is young Agents such as Yourself, tendering their Excuses for not writing, in Hopes that they may avoid their Fate. O, the foolish little Ducklings!
For I have heard these Excuses before, in all their Infinite and Sordid variation, and . . . → Read More: On the Foolishness of your Objections: An Exhortation
By Ethelie, on February 19th, 2010%
Oh my Goodness.
I . . . I do not know what to Say. I have never been so Painfully Embarrassed. The Shame of the past few Days will Haunt me for Years.
Gustav has Prevailed upon my Doctors, and my Senses are no longer Numbed by Laudanum. I am still Confined to this Dreadful bed until my Bones knit together solidly, but it is a Delight to have my Mind back under my Control. And it is a Delight to have poor naive Gustav finally Understand the Truth of my Words.
Together, I am certain, we can Unearth the Evil that has Infected . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #14:
By Boggins, on February 18th, 2010%
Its becomes clear to me that Miss Ethelie is unfit today to post her effiminate scribblings on account of her being unconscious. I was cleaning up Miss Ethelie’s vomit last night (all over her frilly lavendar-scented pillow cases) when she sat right up in bed and looked at me.
“Who’re you?” she slurred at me. A creeping-vine of drool spilling from her puffy lips. That’s the way with these Directorate do-gooders, always making messes wherever they go.
“I’m Boggins,” I says. “Janitor Boggins.”
That was like the first time anyone in the gold-polished-shit club ever blessed me with a nod t’ward my existence.
“Biggidy Bogginy,” . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #13: Perspective
By Gustav, on February 17th, 2010%
I fear something dreadful has happened.
Yesterday, as I was leaving the Beastmaster’s quarters after indulging Ethelie’s hysteria, I decided to settle in the library with my copy of Miss Cornelius’s notes about the history of the Directorate. I lost myself in the work, and and only lifted my weary eyes from the pages when I heard — or thought I heard — a stealthy footstep behind me. The next thing I remember is a terrible blow to my head, and then all went dark.
I awoke untold hours later — I do not know how much time passed while I lay helpless . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #12: An Apology
By Gustav, on February 16th, 2010%
Ethelie’s doctors have sedated her with laudanum; her incessant rantings about how a dark and nefarious enemy pushed her down the stairs were disturbing the other patients in the infirmary. That leaves the task of setting your daily writing exercise to me. I shall endeavor to do my best.
Poor Ethelie! To indulge her, I did indeed go to the Beastmaster’s quarters, though of course I did not find any evidence that he pushed her. What on Earth did Ethelie think I would find? A to-do list with “Shove Ethelie” checked off? An overdue notice from the library for the book How . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #11: Scent
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