Not long ago, I was charged with “counseling” a recalcitrant writer. Agent Cloudfeather should have been working on his horror novel about the zombie invasion of a small Western mining town. O, Yes, dear reader, our recent mining experience makes this novel particularly harrowing for me. Nevertheless, I did my duty and and ensured that this author completed his work.
When I confronted Agent Cloudfeather (gently, I assure you! why, I bought him a delicious coffee beverage at a local cafe!), he swore to me that he had the finest of intentions, but did not know what to write about. His . . . → Read More: What To Write About When You Don’t Know What To Write About
Pay clear Attention, quislings! Today we have the Honour of a Guest Lecture. An Adept of a Strange (and Possibly Oriental) Path of Awesomeness, Catherine has some Excellent Advice which you should Heed.
Umm, hello everyone.
It’s a dreadful honour to be here, and a little intimidating, too. It’s been some time since I was, ah, disciplined by the VerbHounds, but certain parts of my anatomy remember the encounter very well.
I wanted to tell you about a phenomenon I see regularly. It doesn’t fill me with the same rage that Ethelie would undoubtedly feel, but it does make me sad and angry. It’s . . . → Read More: The Medium is Not the Message
Thank you so much for participating in our Survey. The results are simply delicious, and will be tremendously useful to us.
Almost three-quarters of you wish to write every day: yet you don’t.
Almost half of you don’t write each day because you believe you are lazy; a similar number fear that others will laugh at you.
My goodness. Those are some weighty issues, darlings, even without the zombies, even without grouping similar responses together.
Our free e-mail course will help. I’ll tell you more as it develops.
I promised we’d pick a winner: our Random Selection Device has chosen Ms. Lipten to receive a . . . → Read More: Survey Results
Darlings! Thank you so much for your responses to our Survey! With your fabulous input, our upcoming Course will be even more magnificent than we imagined. We truly are listening!
For example, a startlingly large number of you aren’t writing because you fear being eaten by zombies. O, Darlings, we can help you with that, and are already working on a new zombie module for the Course.
If you haven’t taken the Survey yet, I would be absolutely thrilled if you’d do it! It only takes a few moments, and you might win a lovely prize.
In all the excitement of the . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #27: Comfort
O my little Koala Bears! Your Attention, please.
The Fiction-Writing Directorate has decided to Offer a Free Course, to be delivered to your E-mail In-Boxes. It will Teach you how to more Effectively marshal your Forces and spend more time at your Type-Writing Machine writing, and less time playing Mine-Sweeper or examining the wares of the Pornographers. It will Help you become the Writer the Fiction-Writing Directorate demands you to be! It will be utterly Stuffed with our Most Effective and Fearsome techniques, and you will surely Benefit, whether you wish to or not.
I am Quite Sure that I know what you . . . → Read More: Your Directorate Requires Your Assistance
Darlings! O, Darlings. I trust you read Ethelie’s post yesterday? It is no doubt impolitic of me to speak out, but I fear I must disagree with her. O, she will be so cross with me!
All this talk of discipline, of iron will! Of steam and trains and engines! Of gears and machine-like precision and reliability! One commenter dreams of building a poetry robot!
The imagery, my darlings, simply does not work for me. Ethelie’s soul may be made of steam and steel and gears; mine is made of different stuff. And thus I shall re-envision things. Ethelie may be my . . . → Read More: An Exhortation on Adoration
O my little Tulips! I suggest you read this Splendid essay by Miss Caine, to be found on the Inter-Net.
After our last Adventure, in which Gustav’s brave and hideously obese Cat, Markus, leaped into the Fiery arms of certain Death, we were not our Usual Selves. It was as if a Ghastly Maisma fell upon the Directorate, oozed through its Ancient walls, into our Chamber, and infected us with Gloom.
I, at least, was able to Revive my Spirits by gazing upon our beautiful Manifesto. Whatever the Cost, the Manifesto was surely Magnificent. Gustav did not Agree, and wallowed in the . . . → Read More: An Exhortation on Habits
In Part One of this tale, Our Heroes learned of their Urgent Need for a Manifesto (lest their Web-Site license be revoked!), and traveled Bravely to the Manifesto Mines of Kazakhstan. Upon arrival, they found themselves Surrounded by angry Miners with Rifles! In Part Two, Lida distracted the hostile miners while Gustav and Ethelie crept into the mine. Many hours later, our Intrepid Trio fled Kazakhstan just moments before the mine exploded!
I have hesitated: I do not know if this woeful tale should be told. There are reasons why strong men blanch at the thought of the Manifesto Mines of . . . → Read More: On the Creation of the Manifesto, Part III