Welcome, Brave Writers.
O Writers! Do you Suffer from Writer's-Block? The Fiction-Writing Directorate can Help!
Our Exhortations will Inspire you; our Exercises will Strengthen you; and the Ancient Art of Shiva Nata will Enlighten you.
Read! Write! Flourish!
Or Else.
Subsiste statim sermonem et scribe.
|
By Lida, on February 23rd, 2011%
A recent incident compelled me to write to my dear friend Stacey Cornelius for advice. I found her response so marvelously useful that I knew I must share it with you all immediately! Take heed!–Lida.
Dearest Lida,
I was delighted to receive your correspondence, but surely you jest—vampires? But have you not just vanquished the zombies? This is terrible news indeed.
I won’t mince words, my dear. I’ve encountered the vampires. I am nearly ashamed to admit I have been seduced myself.
Does that shock you, Lida? I apologize. My wanderings in the wilderness often cause me to forget the gentility of polite company. But . . . → Read More: The Scent of Desperation
By Lida, on January 21st, 2011%
Darlings! Is it Friday again? How delicious.
I feel I should apologize for not getting this post up sooner so that all you early-birds might benefit from it; but I’m afraid I was busy with some terribly important sleeping-in. Scrumptious! But alas, the delightful parts of my day have finished, and I have no choice but to turn my attention to my dreary List of Loathsome Labours.
Of course they’re loathsome; I’ve been putting them off all week, and for very good reason. All are difficult or dull or dastardly or annoyingly alliterative; the very thought of them causes me to turn . . . → Read More: Clear the Decks Friday: Less Loathsome Lists
By Lida, on November 2nd, 2010%
Darlings! It is time for us to talk.
In the Bible, after some dramatics with a wind strong enough to break rocks, a terrible earthquake, and a mighty fire, God finally takes his audience into consideration speaks to the prophet Elijah in a “still small voice.”
We all have a still small voice that speaks to us, I believe. Though perhaps only biblical prophets hear the voice of their God, everyone can hear something, if they are quiet enough. Have you listened? You may need to listen carefully to hear what whispers behind your customarily raucous thoughts. Some things make it easier to . . . → Read More: Concerning the Still Small Voice
By Lida, on September 11th, 2010%
O Brave Writers!
May I ask how your writing is progressing? Is it flowing along deliciously, like a river of chocolate that rewards you with sweetness every time you dip into it? Does it, like a river, carry you along, displaying magnificent new vistas around each bend? Does your writing, like a river, lull you to sleep each night with the sound of its gentle flow and the wind amidst the rushes? Ah, what bliss! You, my darling, are the luckiest of writers.
But I am afraid this post is not for you.
Today I write to all the other writers: those who are . . . → Read More: An Exhortation: On Your Terrible Shame
By Lida, on June 7th, 2010%
Angry Monster
Darlings! May I introduce you to this fierce beast? Willie Hewes drew him for me, and what an angry creature he is.
He is the voice of Failure. He is the voice of This Is Why Not. He is the voice of all the reasons why I should not write; indeed, he is the voice of why I should not do anything at all.
“You insipid slut!” he shouts. “No one wants to read anything written by a harlot like you! Don’t even bother!” He lists all the ways in which I am doing it wrong, all the ways I doom . . . → Read More: Concerning Monsters
By Lida, on May 27th, 2010%
Lida
Darlings!
Thank you so much for participating in our Survey. The results are simply delicious, and will be tremendously useful to us.
Almost three-quarters of you wish to write every day: yet you don’t.
Almost half of you don’t write each day because you believe you are lazy; a similar number fear that others will laugh at you.
Half?
My goodness. Those are some weighty issues, darlings, even without the zombies, even without grouping similar responses together.
Our free e-mail course will help. I’ll tell you more as it develops.
I promised we’d pick a winner: our Random Selection Device has chosen Ms. Lipten to receive a . . . → Read More: Survey Results
By Lida, on May 20th, 2010%
Lida
Darlings! Thank you so much for your responses to our Survey! With your fabulous input, our upcoming Course will be even more magnificent than we imagined. We truly are listening!
For example, a startlingly large number of you aren’t writing because you fear being eaten by zombies. O, Darlings, we can help you with that, and are already working on a new zombie module for the Course.
If you haven’t taken the Survey yet, I would be absolutely thrilled if you’d do it! It only takes a few moments, and you might win a lovely prize.
Your Exercise
In all the excitement of the . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #27: Comfort
By Lida, on May 18th, 2010%
Lida
Darlings! O, Darlings. I trust you read Ethelie’s post yesterday? It is no doubt impolitic of me to speak out, but I fear I must disagree with her. O, she will be so cross with me!
All this talk of discipline, of iron will! Of steam and trains and engines! Of gears and machine-like precision and reliability! One commenter dreams of building a poetry robot!
The imagery, my darlings, simply does not work for me. Ethelie’s soul may be made of steam and steel and gears; mine is made of different stuff. And thus I shall re-envision things. Ethelie may be my . . . → Read More: An Exhortation on Adoration
By Lida, on April 23rd, 2010%
In Part One of this tale, Our Heroes learned of their Urgent Need for a Manifesto (lest their Web-Site license be revoked!), and traveled Bravely to the Manifesto Mines of Kazakhstan. Upon arrival, they found themselves Surrounded by angry Miners with Rifles!
Lida
Darlings! Now I can tell you what happened next!
Ethelie viciously shoved me out from the shelter of my precious zeppelin, toward the glowering miners. At first I assumed this was her vengeance for the time I caused her laudanum addiction to overcome her, and I cried out against her. “Stop shrieking,” she whispered, though I could barely hear . . . → Read More: On the Creation of the Manifesto, Part II
By Lida, on April 1st, 2010%
Lida
Darlings! I’m back from Majorca. It was absolutely divine, and I’m now rested, restored, reinvigorated, and ready for a new challenge.
Oh, yes, Ethelie was still a bit frowny when I got back, but luckily I had a plate of Boggins’s Ma’s Biscuits to give her as a peace offering, and we have now resolved our differences. After all, we’re both deeply committed to the Directorate’s goal of helping writers write — does it matter if that lofty goal is achieved via punishment or via delicious, delicious pie?
No, it does not!
Our April Challenge:
How scrumptious is it that just when I was . . . → Read More: I Dare You!
|
Sign Up
My little Manatees! If you Dare, sign up to become an Agent of the Fiction-Writing Directorate.
Take our free course: Writing Whilst Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: Nine Essential Teachings.
Updates by Email
Simply enter your Address below to receive Posts by Electronic Mail.
|
