Darlings! Thank you so much for your responses to our Survey! With your fabulous input, our upcoming Course will be even more magnificent than we imagined. We truly are listening!
For example, a startlingly large number of you aren’t writing because you fear being eaten by zombies. O, Darlings, we can help you with that, and are already working on a new zombie module for the Course.
If you haven’t taken the Survey yet, I would be absolutely thrilled if you’d do it! It only takes a few moments, and you might win a lovely prize.
In all the excitement of the . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #27: Comfort
Darlings! O, Darlings. I trust you read Ethelie’s post yesterday? It is no doubt impolitic of me to speak out, but I fear I must disagree with her. O, she will be so cross with me!
All this talk of discipline, of iron will! Of steam and trains and engines! Of gears and machine-like precision and reliability! One commenter dreams of building a poetry robot!
The imagery, my darlings, simply does not work for me. Ethelie’s soul may be made of steam and steel and gears; mine is made of different stuff. And thus I shall re-envision things. Ethelie may be my . . . → Read More: An Exhortation on Adoration
O my little Tulips! I suggest you read this Splendid essay by Miss Caine, to be found on the Inter-Net.
After our last Adventure, in which Gustav’s brave and hideously obese Cat, Markus, leaped into the Fiery arms of certain Death, we were not our Usual Selves. It was as if a Ghastly Maisma fell upon the Directorate, oozed through its Ancient walls, into our Chamber, and infected us with Gloom.
I, at least, was able to Revive my Spirits by gazing upon our beautiful Manifesto. Whatever the Cost, the Manifesto was surely Magnificent. Gustav did not Agree, and wallowed in the . . . → Read More: An Exhortation on Habits
In Part One of this tale, Our Heroes learned of their Urgent Need for a Manifesto (lest their Web-Site license be revoked!), and traveled Bravely to the Manifesto Mines of Kazakhstan. Upon arrival, they found themselves Surrounded by angry Miners with Rifles! In Part Two, Lida distracted the hostile miners while Gustav and Ethelie crept into the mine. Many hours later, our Intrepid Trio fled Kazakhstan just moments before the mine exploded!
I have hesitated: I do not know if this woeful tale should be told. There are reasons why strong men blanch at the thought of the Manifesto Mines of . . . → Read More: On the Creation of the Manifesto, Part III
O my little Jelly Donuts!
Last week, we released our Manifesto, to great Acclaim. Our deepest Thanks to all who Read it and helped us Spread the Word. And if you have not yet read it, Fie! Read now!
We released it with a simple Click of a Button, a virtual Wave of the Hand, which made it look Effortless. So we Wished you to Believe: for we are the Fiction-Writing Directorate, and we are Experts. Yet the byword of this brave new Inter-Net is Authenticity. Vulnerability. And so we must share our Travails with you, in order that you may Learn . . . → Read More: On the Creation of the Manifesto, Part I
Darlings! I’m back from Majorca. It was absolutely divine, and I’m now rested, restored, reinvigorated, and ready for a new challenge.
Oh, yes, Ethelie was still a bit frowny when I got back, but luckily I had a plate of Boggins’s Ma’s Biscuits to give her as a peace offering, and we have now resolved our differences. After all, we’re both deeply committed to the Directorate’s goal of helping writers write — does it matter if that lofty goal is achieved via punishment or via delicious, delicious pie?
No, it does not!
Our April Challenge:
How scrumptious is it that just when I was . . . → Read More: I Dare You!
O my little Goths and Visigoths! I write to you tonight with words of Exhortation, Caution, and Lamentations. I shall speak to you with a Metaphor, for you are all writers of a Poetic Turn of Mind.
Writing a significant work of Fiction, I believe, is like summiting a mountain: a Queen of Mountains, like Everest. You climb, and climb, in bitter Snow, fighting your own Exhaustion, following your Sherpas, uncertain whether the Visions you see are real or Hallucinations caused by Oxygen-deprivation, and making critical Decisions when your Vital Forces are at their lowest ebb.
Fear not, I might say, were I . . . → Read More: An Exhortation: Three Agents and the Mountain
O my little Ant-Eaters!
Today I read this Interview with Miss Elizabeth Gilbert, an Authoress. I was particularly Struck by this Passage wherein she paraphrases Mr. Werner Herzog: “It’s not the world’s fault that you want to be an artist… stop whining and get back to work.”
Upon reading those Words, I leaped from my Bed in the Infirmary. The Surgeons and their beastly Nurses cried for me to Return to their Tender Care, but I could Tarry no Longer. No matter the cost to Myself, no matter the Cost to my Health, it was Time for me to get . . . → Read More: An Exhortation: Stop Whining and Get Back To Work
O what a glorious, glorious day this is! After hours of feverish effort this afternoon, I’ve completed my epic poem about President James K. Polk! I’m weary and exhilarated and terribly, terribly proud. O, yes, it’s a first draft, and the metre sags in spots, and I might well have glossed over some of my research (or did President Polk really have a pet pterodactyl??), but I can fix all that later. For now, it is enough to rejoice in completion!
My friends, I am not ashamed to tell you that I wept as I wrote the stanzas about President Polk’s death . . . → Read More: Training Exercise #24: Celebration!
Beautiful, beautiful writers! I’ve had the most astonishing week. Let me tell you all about it!
After spending several blissful hours with my Muse and my epic poem about President Polk, I decided to repeat Training Exercise #23 several times, for I am a firm believer in training exercises. I sought out the virile embrace of the Beastmaster, and did my best to improve my skills.
I felt as if I was making terrific progress! Everything was going swimmingly — when the door crashed open. It was Ethelie, and she was Very Unhappy. Oh, bother, just thinking about it makes me Capitalize . . . → Read More: An Exhortation: On Finding Your Voice