O my little Morning Glories! March is Upon us, and all around me I see signs of the Season: the muddy Traces of the Kraken’s tentacles amid the Flower-Beds by the Reflecting Pool; the unseemly Howls of the Verb-Bitch in Season; Daffodils and Crocuses trampled by the restless Graves of the Zombie Sherpas.

It is all quite Hideous, yet even I am not immune: I feel a long-forgotten and unspeakable Stirring, and feel compelled to Act. My Goodness. That simply Will Not Do, so I shall, as always, Channel my Energies into the Fiction-Writing Directorate.

I have made such Grand Plans for March, . . . → Read More: On the Exuberance of March: An Exhortation

O my brave little Butterflies!

A whole Month has passed since my first Post, since my tiny Boat set Sail on the Uncharted Waters of the Vast Sea of the Intarwebs. It has been a Delightful voyage thus far, my stay in the Infirmary notwithstanding.

It has also been a Productive time, though we were not Able to Forge as many splending Postings as we’d hoped. February is a Ghastly month, is it not? Perhaps March will be more Felicitous.

How have you done, my little Badgers? What have you Written this Week? What have you Written this Month? Take Stock! And then Write . . . → Read More: February Reckoning

O my little Cherry Blossoms! The Directorate’s Surgeons have Infused me with a Serum that has caused my Bones to Knit together, and my horrid Convalescence reaches its end. Rejoice!

My period of Restful Recovery has given me much-needed Time, with which I have endeavored to bring myself Current on the Directorate’s Mail. Much of it, you will not be Surprised to learn, is young Agents such as Yourself, tendering their Excuses for not writing, in Hopes that they may avoid their Fate. O, the foolish little Ducklings!

For I have heard these Excuses before, in all their Infinite and Sordid variation, and . . . → Read More: On the Foolishness of your Objections: An Exhortation

O Loyal Agents,

Today I write to you of Procrastination, the Scourge of Writers and other Noble Folks. I shall tell you a True Story to illustrate my Meaning. Attend!

Recently, one of your fellow Agents (Code-named Rocket) received a fine Gift: a Healing and Invigorating Elixir made from the finest Natural Ingredients: Coffee, Honey, and Onion Juice. Inexplicably, Agent Rocket did not enjoy this fine Gift, and set it aside, intending to Cast it Away from her.

Point the First:

Agent Rocket is no fit judge of what is Good. Similarly, many Writers (yea, even Directorate Agents!) are no fit judges of the . . . → Read More: On the Perils of Procrastination: An Exhortation

O, my little Prickly Pears! It has been an Extraordinarily Eventful week at the Fiction-Writing Directorate. First the Escape of the Anaconda — and then the  Shocking attack on my Person! I Pray that your Week has been more Peaceful — and that you have Written and met your Goals.

Given the Beastmaster’s Appalling and Shocking Behavior toward me this Week, I am Loath to allow any of my Agents to become Feed for his foul Beasts. But O my little Apple Blossoms, I must. It is my Duty to Punish the Recalcitrant.

Under ordinary Circumstances, I would insist that I be the . . . → Read More: Weekly Debriefing from the Infirmary

O my Patient Agents! I fear I have Disappointed you by not readying this Exhortation more Promptly. For though my Superiors insist that I Eagerly post early in the Day, and though I have the Noblest of Intentions of doing so, I have failed Miserably, and only through the Sternest exertion of Willpower am I posting Now.

For the Anaconda of Adverbs has cleverly Escaped the Beastmaster’s care! It slithers hurridly, stealthily, creepily throughout Headquarters, horridly shedding Modifiers wherever it so Cunningly goes. All of our Efforts have been Fully directed at its Capture, and though we earnestly, eagerly, rapidly, fervently Pursue . . . → Read More: Of Anacondas and Excuses: An Exhortation

O Brave Agents! The Day of Reckoning is here at Last. Your Time has run Out. What have you Written this week? Did you meet your Ambitious Goals and Complete your Mission, or will the Beasts feed tonight?

Agent Emily is safe, for she has Drafted her way from her Prologue into her Novel. Agent Eva’s Judgement shall be deferred, by prior Arrangement.

What of Agents Sean and C.S.?

Is it the Pit of Scorpions? Or Wings of Glory?

I await . . . → Read More: Judgement Day