Darlings! O, how I have missed you in these long lonely days!

Someday, darlings, I may be able to tell you about the extraordinary adventures that have been forced upon the Directorate these past months; for now, however, I must keep my trembling silence. I may tell you only that my adoration for you continues unabated, and I eagerly anticipate the day when we have dealt with the horrors which confront us so that I may return to you.

I offer these two fabulous things to keep you inspired and informed until that marvelous day.

First, the luminous Elissa Bassist at the Rumpus offers . . . → Read More: Two Fabulous Things

A Shameful Harlot

Darlings! Welcome to another delicious Friday! Let us all work together to clear our decks, shall we?

Earlier today, I sprang refreshed from the nourishing arms of slumber, eager to savour the day. After breaking my fast and performing my ablutions, I dove into the very first task on my list: a somewhat overdue assessment of an Agent’s performance with his writing goals.

It’s an important task, darling! Yet somehow, without me even noticting, over an hour slipped away into diversionary shenanigans of the most pointless kind. Oh, dear, I muttered, as I turned away from the internet. Oh dear, . . . → Read More: Clear the Decks Friday: Flow Around

Ethelie

O my little Apple Blossoms! Tomorrow, the Staff of the Directorate departs for its annual Corporate Retreat; thus, we must Clear our Decks a day Early.

An imminent Vacation has a marvelously Focussing effect on one’s Mind, don’t you think? When one is faced with an Immovable Deadline, the essential tasks stand out with Marked Clarity, and all other Concerns fade into a Murky and Undistinguished background.

Already today I Labored with Mr. Boggins on revealing the new Directorate Emporium! Now you can purchase splendid Directorate goods, and constantly be Reminded of your Obligations by virtue of Gustav observing you from a . . . → Read More: Clear the Decks Thursday: Vacation Edition

The Fiction-Writing Directorate is Delighted to announce that Ms. Beth Wodzinski, renowned Shiva Nata instructor, is joining the Staff of the Directorate. She will instruct Agents in the ancient Dance of Shiva. — Ethelie.

Hi, I’m Beth. I am both surprised and pleased to find myself employed by the Fiction-Writing Directorate.

Beth

I’m a certified Dance of Shiva instructor, and am really looking forward to bringing this practice to the recalcitrant writers of the Directorate. I bet the Dance of Shiva can help you keep your limbs from being devoured by the Hounds: it can help dissolve blocks, give you energy, and help . . . → Read More: Introducing the Art of Shiva Nata

Ethelie

O my little Cuttlefish!

This December past, the staff of the Fiction-Writing Directorate undertook a marvelous Experiment: Clear the Decks December. The results were so Salubrious, we knew we must Share them with you. We encourage you to undertake a similar Experiment of your own, that you may also Benefit.

Our Unspeakable Problem

Our list of Terribly Important Tasks was unending. Tasks, like Biscuit-Crumbs, have a devious Manner about them, and accumulate rapidly despite one’s best Efforts to brush them off one’s Bosom; and before long, one finds oneself veritably Buried. Attend to this Message, burn that Message . . . → Read More: On the Merits of Clearing the Decks

O my little Holly-Berries!

I write today’s Post, the Last of the Year, aquiver with Excitement.

Our Year in Review

O my little Mistletoe! What an Extraordinary year for the Fiction-Writing Directorate. In February we broke Centuries of staid Silence and stepped out into the InterWebs so that we might further Pursue our Mission. Since then, we Released our Manifesto, created our first Course and befriended the Giant Squid.  To our Despair, and the Beastmaster’s Delight, no less than Thirteen unfortunate Writers were Devoured entire by the Hounds, and Dozens more now sport finely crafted Prosthetic Limbs to replace the ones upon which the . . . → Read More: The Year in Review

Before Miss Ethelie left on her yearly Ice Hotel vacation, she put me in charge of cleaning up the Directorate webspace. This site you’re readin’ right now as you gnaw on your biscuits.

I said “Woman, I don’t know the first thing about fixin webspaces,” but she just ta-ta’d me and had one of her pet sherpas carry her bags to the zeppelin and left.

I sat in front before one of Gustav’s sinful computer boxes and contemplated the webspace. It looked worse than the crawlspace underneath Mama’s porch with the pile of dead rats and Mittens the cat’s outdoor litter box.

“Well, . . . → Read More: I Shined Up the Ol’ Directorate

The Directorate is filled with the Wails of Agents who struggle with their NaNoWriMo Novels. Oh, to be sure, many Agents have flourished this Month, typing Hundreds of Thousands of exquisite words. We applaud them!

But others, despite the Directorate’s best Efforts, languish. It is almost as if the Ungrateful Wretches do this out of Spite.

An Example of a Struggling Writer

Let me Present to you the example of Agent Sweetman-Gross. This Unfortunately Hyphenated agent came to me Yesterday, weeping. She was nearly twenty-thousand words Behind, and doubted she would ever Succeed. Indeed, I shared her Doubts. She was a Terrible sight to . . . → Read More: On the Merits of Giving Up

Gustav

Good evening, Brave Writers. Today I wish to share with you the cautionary tale of a young writer named — ah, let us call her Felicia Alicia McPecia, to protect what scanty shreds of privacy she retains. (I am well aware that this weak pseudonym will do little to deter astute readers from discerning her true identity; I can only beg you to allow Miss McPecia to live out her days of squalor and ignominy unmolested.) Her tale is not, as you might think, a warning against the cruel critics who drove her to drink, gambling, and madness, but a . . . → Read More: An Exhortation: On Second Thoughts

O my little Opium Poppies! I am Delighted to see you again, and while I wish I could Trust you have been Diligent in our too-lengthy Absence, I fear a Noxious Slackness has overcome you. Fear no more, Faithful Agents! The Fiction-Writing Directorate has Returned.

The Directorate wishes to offer its Most Sincere Thanks and Appreciation to the Giant Squid, for kindly Guest-Posting. Even my great Shock at his most Scandalous Accusations does not negate my Gratitude.

Where were we, you Inquire, most nosily? O my little Whip-Poor-Wills, we traveled to a Distant and Mysterious city to learn the Ancient and Bizarre art . . . → Read More: Three Wholesome Teachings On Writer’s Block