Concerning Monsters

Angry Monster

Darlings! May I introduce you to this fierce beast? Willie Hewes drew him for me, and what an angry creature he is.

He is the voice of Failure. He is the voice of This Is Why Not. He is the voice of all the reasons why I should not write; indeed, he is the voice of why I should not do anything at all.

“You insipid slut!” he shouts. “No one wants to read anything written by a harlot like you! Don’t even bother!” He lists all the ways in which I am doing it wrong, all the ways I doom myself to failure and dying alone and in poverty, all the ways I will regret ever even trying.

Terrifying, isn’t he, Darlings? But here is the secret about monsters–this little chap, and all of your foul beasties, too–he’s trying to protect me. If he keeps me scared enough, he thinks, he’ll be able to keep me from writing and all the risks it entails: exposure and rejection and failure.

Sweet angry monster! Here, would you like a nice glass of absinthe? Or perhaps some laudanum? What you must understand, O Monster, is two things: first, that there is a very good chance that writing will lead to boundless successes, not dismal failures; and second, that I have failed over and over and over again before, and am perfectly fine. In fact, Monster, the louder you shout, the more likely it is that I will get nervous and fail. What’s worse, Monster, is that not writing is itself a failure. Yes, indeed, Monster, you yourself are creating my failure.

You’re sorry? Not so angry any more? Yes, I love you too, man; that absinthe is delicious, isn’t it?

Sweet darling monster, I know you are trying to help: but let us find a way to work together, yes? Certainly, you may have some more absinthe. Here. You’ve been working very hard and deserve a break, do you not? A time to rest? The rest of the bottle? Certainly. I shall be over here, writing.

And perhaps I shall examine my copy of Miss Caine’s Awesome Fear-Wrangling manual for further inspiration.

What do your monsters say?

Tell us in the comments, if you like. How are they trying to protect you? How can you thank them for their work, and convince them to let you move ahead? Tell us, Darlings!